


LEAVE

by vampirewithbedsidemanners



Series: The Hiddlestons [3]
Category: Hiddlestoner, Tom Hiddleston- Fandom
Genre: Angst, Broken Heart, F/M, Sorry Not Sorry, Triggers, Tumblr, Tumblr Series, Vampirewithbedsidemanners, death trigger
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-28
Updated: 2015-02-28
Packaged: 2018-03-15 16:47:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3454451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vampirewithbedsidemanners/pseuds/vampirewithbedsidemanners





	LEAVE

**Author's Note:**

  * For [](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts).



_You're reading this now, and I am long gone._

_My worst fear has come to pass and now... I have nothing left._

_You told me once that you love me the only way people like us are capable of love._

_You said that you are not capable of love._

_You were wrong, but so was I._

I watched him, all the strength I had left me the second he opened it. He was silent, his eyes darting back and forth across the words. He looks up at me, and keeps going. To him this must be a revelation, a glimpse into territory he never walked before; even I can see that. He is as lost as I was.

_I won't dwell on what we were never meant to have._

_I had you. That was enough._

_They say its dangerous to fall for someone like us;_

_even more so since we are cut from the same cloth._

_I guess thats where we left it,_

_dangerous and incomplete, just like us._

_You never completed me._

_You gave me a reason to be complete._

_You gave me a reason to fight._

_Soldiers dont dream._

_If I did, it would be of you._

_Soldiers dont regret._

_If I did, I would regret this._

_Soldiers are human._

_Soldiers remember._

_they break._

_they cry._

_they die._

_And we forget;_

_That is where we are headed._

_I cant be your hero._

_Heroes_ _don't exist._

_All we are is a bunch of fucked up soldiers,_

_firing guns and digging graves._

_I would like my last thought to be that I could have found love._

_In you._

_With you._

_But I'm not him._

_You will remember me, I'm sure._

_We are too intertwined to forget one another._

_I'm burned into your skin, outlined in your scars._

_Just like you are in mine._

_I wonder if anyone will be able to tell in 10 years..._

_In 20..._

_When they find my body._

_If they do._

_Will they still be able to see you etched into my bones,_

_when all my skin has rotted away?_

_I hope they can._

_Because they would see you._

_The fiery pink haired child._

_Raising hell and taking names._

_They would see you._

_All your faces._

_All your names._

_Carved into my bones like a map._

_They would see Moscow._

_and Paris._

_and Berlin._

_They would see you._

_It's fitting that I'm writing you this now._

_You're never going to read it._

_Just like you never heard me yell for you._

_You never had to watch me die._

_You never see me when he is in the room._

_and I'm glad._

_Because I still hate to see you cry._

_Moscow. Its been so long._

_And I can still see you when I close my eyes._

_He will never see you like that._

_Don't_ _let him see you like that._

_LEAVE._

_Before my death means nothing._

He sets down the letter. I can see his hands shaking, but he doesn't say anything. An hour ago he was on the tube, coming home. An hour ago he expected to walk in and pick me up, kiss me, hold me. He expected too much. 

"Leave." He read out loud, his fingers running over the indented letters. He couldn't understand half of it. He didn't need to.

I didn't need him to.

An hour ago he thought he loved me. And now he looks up and I know I've lost him; somewhere in the ocean of ink and paper and words spit out the only way he could. His eyes meet mine, and not even he can say my name anymore.

**What a monster I have become.**

_"Rose, my sweet rose. Come here, darling." I scramble out of my sheets and into mommys lap. She holds me tight to her chest, her sobs breaking in her chest. "He loved you. So much. Okay? Remember that?" And then she cries, big ugly heaving sobbs as I cling to her._

_The baby starts crying and mommy stops, still sniffling as she composes herself. "Here, Rose. Take this to remember him by. My darling girl..." She presses a photo of daddy into my palm and caresses my cheek._

_*_

_I'm eleven, standing outside in the cold russian winter. I hold the picture up until the flames lick my fingers and I drop it in the snow. One little corner is left._

_"Come on." Maddison says, and we pick up our guns. **My father would be proud.**_

 

 


End file.
